Under Review

As we speak, we are under review to see if we are an appropriate match for several children. I’ve never felt so scrutinized. Sure, I’ve been judged plenty in school, especially as I’m finishing my PhD, but I’ve never been judged on whether or not I’ll be a good parent. This feels different. This feels personal.

We have done mounds of paperwork, and we are working on more. The adoption agency now knows what I assume is my earliest memory, my deepest thoughts at each stage of my life and my greatest hopes for the future. They now know every penny in our bank account (or not in our account), have inspected each corner of our home and are sending us for psychological evaluations (standard process). There isn’t much I can say that they don’t know. They have read the words, “We, Miguel and Brittany Javier, would like to pursue the adoption of…”, but they can’t possibly see the two hearts waiting longingly to hear their response. Thoughts racing through my head: ”Am I good enough? Will they approve me? What if I’ve done something wrong that I don’t even know about?” Thoughts the Lord reminds me of: “You are good enough because I created you. I am in control, and if these children are your children, I will bring them into your home. Trust me, my child, I have this.” So for now, we wait. Unsure of what will happen, but completely sure our God is in control.

As Lysa TerKeurst says in her book, It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way, “Trust. Trading our will for “Thy will”, because we know He will.”